Self-Awareness is Paramount in Becoming a Horseman
Guest Post by Joel Conner
Take a moment to consider self-awareness and the effects on your horse with this thought-provoking article by Joel Conner.
One gift the horse has illuminated for me in this world is their ability to be present; they aren't thinking about their mistakes from yesterday or contemplating the vast number of situations that could befall them in the future. They are beautifully consumed with the right now. We, as humans, can strategize and plan, and although we don't do it well most of the time, we at least have the ability. Yet, a lot of times, we miss the talent of being in the moment and being self-aware at that moment. Horsemanship is predicated on how well you can stay emotionally stable. You need to be able to dial up, dial down, or release all pressure in milliseconds.
You need to be self-aware and then have a high degree of emotional pliability to best communicate with your horse. This is the only way you can adjust to fit your horse in real time. Cornell University and Green Peak Partners did a study of 72 executives of companies with revenues of 50 million to 5 billion; their research found that a high self-awareness score was the strongest indicator of their overall success. We all know what it is like to go to work for someone with a low degree of self-awareness and emotional stability. I love that the Cornell study proves what all our anecdotal evidence suggests.
The problems people are having with horses are all festering from the same nucleus. Not being present enough, with the analytical study of self, and not emotionally adaptable enough to adjust. This isn't, however, as easy of a fix as if I told you that you just need a new saddle or a different bit. You first need to admit that you are an emotional basket case and internal space cadet. I did, at least! Then, it's just a road to developing the skill.
This concept was made plain as day to me years ago while working with a particularly challenging horse. There was a spot in her where, when you picked up the pressure, she would bite, kick, or maybe both. I couldn't seem to get a change in her expression, and the frustration washed over me like a red blanket of haze. I cooled her off and turned her back out, vowing to change it up and work on it tomorrow. She was the first horse in the morning, and after her, I grabbed a halter and went and got another horse. I rode that one, went back out to the pens, caught another and another, and continued on my path towards world horse domination. After the morning crashed to a halt, it was time for lunch. I was headed home in my truck, feeling a tugging in my stomach like someone was twitching my intestines. "Why am I upset?" I asked myself. As I drove home, I worked backwards through my morning, rewinding through the 5 or so horses until I got all the way back to the little mare that I worked first thing. "I've been working all this time, riding all those other horses, now driving and still carrying the residue of anger, frustration, and emotional turmoil from hours ago?" That realisation has sent me down the path to understating my own emotional instability and lack of self-awareness.
The little mare was a very small blip on the radar in comparison to other major life challenges. That was an example of just a morning, just a few hours of emotional dilution. It's scary to analyse what we are carrying from years ago. These emotional events from years ago are woven into our daily lives and are cancerous to our peace and the relationships around us. Our fellow humans also feel them in us, but they are so riddled with their own game of emotional pinball that they can't unpack the mix of our braces and their own.
The horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you might not like what you see. Sometimes you will.
This is one of my favourite Buck Brannaman quotes.
In the beginning, this illumination of one’s inner self is terrifying. However, as time goes on and you become more confident that your guts won't fall out of you like the contents of a soggy-bottomed box, you can begin to shore up all those loose ends. You have to start sorting through all this fear, frustration, and overall unstableness so that you can be more present in the now.
When you're not self-aware, you are not effective in your communication. You have a swirling effect in your feel, like a snow globe of signals. The horse can sense all that going on inside your guts, so when you are trying to help him understand something, you are making the water very muddy. I'm amazed they can find anything sometimes. Building pressure or making the wrong thing difficult sometimes becomes way too much if you're already frustrated. You might have a tendency to pull an ounce harder or spur quicker. If you are carrying anger, you might miss a good opportunity to release him.
If you are not emotionally aware, you might reach down to give him a pet. Still, mentally you are thinking about how everyone is going to believe you are amazing at the upcoming show, and thus he felt no relief from the touch, he only felt the pressure from your expectation of him. I hear people all the time say "GOOD BOY" to their horse or slap their horse on the neck like they are trying to kill a fly. I am always unsure who they are congratulating? I know the horse feels that double-binding message. They only have one message; it's always congruent.
What a great world it would be if the saying "I'm fine!" really meant you were doing well. We all know and feel that when someone says "I'm fine!" they are closer to hitting you in the mouth or taking you to the divorce court than feeling calm and wellness. Convertible cars salesmen all across this country have been supported by people's mid-life crisis. Due in part to a lifetime of internal denial that "I'm fine" really meant "I'm fine".
The horse can give you the gift of self-awareness if you pay attention. Wake up to your internal monologues. Start educating them with your own inner balance, and you will be amazed at how smart they are and how fast they can learn. I heard someone say once, "Be where your feet are." When I feel myself drifting into emotional instability or far-off thinking, I use the mental trigger of feet to bring me back to the present. Funny how Ray Hunt used to say, "Get to the feet." I needed to find how to get back into my own feet before I could learn how to get to theirs.
Author:
Joel Conner is a distinguished horseman and educator known for his expertise in starting colts and teaching horsemanship. Drawing inspiration from legendary trainers such as Tom Dorrance, Ray Hunt, and Buck Brannaman, Joel emphasizes the importance of creating a harmonious partnership between horse and rider. His approach focuses on building trust and understanding, aiming to eliminate resistance in the horse. Through clinics and workshops, he shares his knowledge and techniques with equestrians at all levels, fostering a deeper connection with their horses. Joel's dedication to ethical training practices reflects his commitment to the well-being of both horses and riders in the equestrian community.